Wow, ok this was longer then i expected.

How do i say this.

Its such a weird feeling. I never expected it would feel like this. I never truly experienced it in this way. Most of my past relationships ( Ive had 3) involved meeting her, shortly after meeting her dating her. Liking her a bunch and from day one, that like of her slowly fading to being complacent. And then realizing that, that wasn't enough. Again, most of the time, by day 4 or 5 we were already arguing. I was already yelling. I was already being jealous. It was already becoming volatile. Heck, with the last girlfriend, we were arguing before we even started dating.

This time its different.

We have been friends for at least a good half a year. We have been hanging out with each other for a least a good half a year. That's like, ground breaking...for me. I wasn't really looking to date her. I had flirted on and off with various girls, but deep down inside i knew i was ready to get back into it all. I had many things to work out, things that needed to change before i entered another relationship. But i always held on to what a very wise buss once told me. Don't pray that God fixes your problems. Pray that God gives you the opportunities to work through them. (that wasn't the exact quote, it was more specific, but i don't feel like getting into that now.)

I had always thought she was cute, and cool, but i never really had that push to pursue anything. And then over the last couple months we just started talking more. And then we started hanging out more. We hung out like every other day for a couple weeks and i was really starting to like her. I finally asked her on a date (thanks to the many of you who encouraged me time and time again to stop being scared and just do it) and it went really well. We hung out more and more and i realized i really really like this girl. We started dating, and here we are almost two weeks later and i am unable to describe how i feel. I know i know, two weeks isn't that long. I understand that. But you don't understand the differences between the past and the present. Since starting to date her, i have only increased in how much i like her. Its grown, and i feel like everyday it doubles. Its definitely not something i have experienced before. For the first time i feel what its like to truly have trust. And that's not a knock on the girls i have dated in the past (one of them is completely trust worthy), but its more so thanks to the fact that i now trust God. I trust that his way and will is true. This is the first time i prayed about Gods will and weather i should get into this relationship. This is the first time Ive involved God in my relationship. And that has built a trust i have never experienced. And that's from both sides. I trust her and its a good feeling. Its also good to feel trusted. Its good that i can be great friends with a past girlfriend, and Stephanie has no problem with it. Its good that she isn't HAVING to know what I'm doing every second of the day, and that allows me to want to tell her what I'm doing. Its good to know that i cant hang out with my friend still and not have to worry about her worrying about what I'm doing. And its good that i don't worry about the same things. And its good that i don't have to know what she is doing every second of the day. Its nice that i don't have to spend every day with her because i trust her and know she isn't going to wrong me the one day we don't hang out. (sounds pathetic i know, i had really bad trust problems in the past, and i caused very pathetic situations because of that.) I haven't lied to her once. That is a big thing for me. I don't have to lie and have this elephant sized lie always in the room gnashing my brain at how bad a person i am. She takes me for who i am, and that's one of the biggest gifts God can give me. There is a lot i don't tell even my closest friend because many of them will look down on me. (how many times do i catch flak for simply watching a movie with the opposite sex?) Its not like that with her. She likes me for me, and it really helps to have someone around like that. And i like her for her, and its really nice to be with someone i appreciate so much. Its just different. Its nice. Its exciting. Its fun. Its authentic. Its smile inducing. Its real.

Again. I know its only been two weeks. But its been a very telling two weeks for me personally. Laugh at what you want. But through my knowledge of the past i can tell a lot from the first two weeks of my relationships. And that is why i am so excited this time. Two weeks or whatever, i am happy.

I will stop now. ;p