Oh! Eremophobia!

So, after tubing on Saturday, i really wanted to get on and blog about how disgusted with the world i am. I wanted to rant about how sad and pathetic it is to drink and smoke weed to get a kick out of life. I wanted to rant about how pathetic and disgusting it was that girls would be such pieces of meat. I wanted to rant about how this world makes me sick because of the evil that everybody loves so much. But every single time i wanted to do that. Every single time i wanted to just shove my disgust in my blog worlds face, i was forced by my own thinking to shut myself up. And why? Because i am disgusting. Because i am evil. Because i am waste. Because i am no better then any one of those people out there on that river. Because i am no better then anyone i have ever or never met. Because while i may have some things in check, while i may not do certain things that i know i shouldn't. I have my own faults. I have my own problems. I do things that i shouldn't. I do things that are wrong. I make the same mistakes day after day after day. I ask for forgiveness day after day after day. I tell myself how stupid and wrong i was for making those mistakes and work something into my head as to how i will not make that mistake again. And then tomorrow comes. And then i make those mistakes again. And before and while i make those mistakes, i tell myself, dont do this, you know its wrong, you know that you are slapping god in the face. And yet... I gladly make those mistakes, over and over and over again. Because i am a worthless piece of worldly trash. Because i am weak. Because i am full of evil. So to those on Saturday that i judged over and over in my mind. I would like to utter a silent apology. I am sorry. I am in no position to toss judgement. I apologize.



Randall's lyrics of the day:
I am small
And self-conscious
Every mirror
Reflects the grain
Judge my essence
By my kinships
Remember me
Not my shame
I am weak
Sometimes weary
Sometimes small
I hide away
When my hours
Are all accounted
Please don't bind me
To my shame
I have tried to
Live life humbly
Not a coward
Not in vain
When my meekness
Overcomes me
Remember me
Not my shame
Not my shame

Randall's verse of the day :

Acts 17:26-27
26From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. 27God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us.