Relationships are shooting stars.

Where to start. I feel like throwing up. What have i done.

"I don't care if you have to work 15 hours a day, we have a bed in the medical room if you want to stay here." I guess that's what responsibility sounds like. And no he wasn't joking. While i am thankful that i have job security, this level of responsibility sucks. Grin and bear it right. I try.

Its been affecting me though. Psychologically. For the past three days the moment i get into my car (by myself) i get dizzy. Everything starts to spin. And i don't have the reaction time i should. I don't have the concentration level i should. I blew through a stop sign the other day. I didn't even see it. I was a second away from dieing. Look up "real life frogger" on youtube and click the first video. No joke it was something like that. That's not all though. Yesterday i was sitting in the car at lunch. And the hairs on the back of my neck stood up and i got real cold. I turned around and at the front of the building next to the entrance was a man. He was in a black suit. His head wasn't a mans head. It was a pigs head. Not like a normal pig. But like a creepy horrible pig. It had a nose ring. Its ears were like horns. It was beat red. Its eyes were as big as my hands. There was fire in its eyes. Its left ear was pierced. It had 4 visible teeth, the lower left one was broken. They were all yellow and black. It just stared at me. I blinked and shook my head (you know like they do in the movies when they see something they don't believe is there.) I closed my eyes and shook my head and opened them and it was gone. I don't know whats going on. I don't know whats wrong.

What else is going on in my life.

I was driving home the other day, and i heard this song. And it gave me that sensation that i have a memory(this one felt painful) attached to the song. I struggled to find what the memory was and i couldn't recall it. I hate that.

When all is said and done
Will we still feel pain inside?
Will the scars go away with night?
Try to smile for the morning light
It's like the best dream to have
Where every thing is not so bad
Every tear is so alone
Like God himself is coming home to say

I, I can do anything
If you want me here
And I can fix any thing
If you let me near
Where are those secrets now
That you're too scared to tell
I'd whisper them all aloud
So you can hear yourself

I'm sorry I have to say it but you look like you're sad
Your smile is gone; I've noticed it bad
The cure is if you let in just a little more love
I promise you this, a little's enough


I'm pretty sure i have some bad B.O. Or maybe bad breath. People are like a moth to the flame. The flame away from me. People invite people, and they go with. I invite people, and they go away.

I don't know whats real, and whats not anymore. I don't know whats genuine. I don't know how to interpret. I guess its because the massive lies she fed me. I guess its because of the way she said what i wanted to hear, just to put 3 million miles between us once i gave her the inch of space she wanted. It would be easier if i was blind.

I feel like the world is telling me to run. And i would give in. But i question everything. "which way?" I ask. I get no answer. So i stay put.

You are brilliant. You are a light in the darkness. You are one of the coolest people i have ever met. You are worth. And i am not. I wish i was. It would be swell. It would be all i could ask for.



Randall's lyrics of the day: (i dedicate this song to someone i once knew, hey lush, have fun...)


Is this what you want?
'Cause everybody acts without a clue
Every little kiss and grin you gave
Was just a little bullshit I saw through

The alcohol is scented with your breath
You're always all done up to just be used
I'm waiting for excuses that deceive
I'll meet you in the back to see them through

How did I let her inside?
We're dripping of sweat, I'm feeling alright
Her lips were the last thing touched tonight
Your best friend is not your girlfriend

It hurts...

Are you out of your mind?
You dug yourself into a liar’s hole
You made a little spark to live inside
It’s now a fucking fire out of control
And when the morning comes you’ll act surprised
And when the word gets out it will get old
And every day you’ll try to live your life
And every little scandal will unfold

How did I let her inside?
We're dripping of sweat, I'm feeling alright
Her lips were the last thing touched tonight
Your best friend is not your girlfriend

(It hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts)
(It hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts) Your best friend is not your girlfriend


Randall's verse of the day :

Isaiah 25:8


8He will swallow up death for all time,
And the Lord GOD will wipe tears away from all faces,
And He will remove the reproach of His people from all the earth;
For the LORD has spoken.