I wish i were Matt Parkman.

I'm stuck living in fear and i hate it. I hate not knowing the outcome of a decision i want to make. I don't understand how NEO (yes I'm referencing the matrix) didn't just blow his brains to bits. All he ever had to do was make choices and never knew what the outcome was going to be. You know, a lot of times its easy to know whats going to happen when you choose to do something. But in this certain situation, i don't know. And its friggin killing me. Not like bringing me down, but like just eating at me. I know i should just get it over with. But I'm waiting to see if the picture can get any clearer. I'm waiting to see if I'm reading the situation right or if I'm reading it all wrong. I'm waiting, hoping that somehow its going to be crystal clear that the choice i want to make will have a good outcome.

I struggle with patience. But i don't give myself a choice when i live in the fear of the unknown. Such is life, right?